Breathe
by drifted-haiku
Summary: A one shot of what I hope will be the closure for NJ.


Breathe

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jenny Humphrey couldn't count down the hours long enough until she can blow out of this joint, this little sh.t hole that is otherwise known as the Upper East Side. Dad and Dan might be happy in this place full of dramas, secrets, emotional roller coasters and backstabbing , but not her. Sure at one time or another, she has lied, backstabbed and even blackmailed in hope of feeling like the rest of the UES but she realized it now that she doesn't belong here. Not then and definitely not now. Blair might have thought she could rise to be the next Queen Bee but Jenny has bigger plans for herself, one that doesn't involve domineering over mindless drones.

Lost in thoughts, she didn't notice her phone has been vibrating incessantly until the message chime breaks her though.

Sighing, she takes out her phone and briefly glances at the name flashing.

_Eric._

Damn. She forgot to tell him she went for a walk.

_Where are you? You ok?_

Her lips curve then quickly fades when she saw a silhouette approaching.

"Jenny."

Tossing the phone back into her bag, "Nate," she coolly greets and brushes past. The last person Jenny Humphrey wanted to run into was Nate Archibald, the guy who bled her dried and made her taste pain of being betrayed worse than anyone else in her life.

"Wait."

She ignores his calling and continues strolling down the street. She figures, if she stays mute long enough, he'd have to give up sooner or later.

He manages to catch one of her arms and swings her around. The sweats lick his forehead and down his face. "Why are you ignoring me?"

Jenny flings his hand away. "Don't touch me."

"Didn't you hear me?"

"Guess not."

Once again, a confused look shines upon his pretty boy features like a thousand times before and she rolls her eyes for the first time, getting sick of his clueless and oblivious ways.

"What the hell is going on with you, Jenny?" asks Nate in his ever mild manner. Leave it to him to speak in a passive voice even when his face says otherwise. "Is it because of what happened with—you know—Dam—"

"Oh God, no."

"Then what is it because I don't—"

"Just don't—" she interrupts and takes a step back. "Just don't and stop pretending you care about me." She could feel the anger exploding in her veins. Warnings flashes in the back of her mind but she disregards them, like how she disregarded her own self-respect to like someone like him. Frustrated, "God, I don't know how I could have been so blinded and so stupid," she rants, covering her face in her palm. "I managed to turn myself into this ugly, conniving self and for what? For your stupid, fleeting affections?"

"I—"

"What? Sorry? Don't know what to say?" she adds sarcastically. "You know, Nate, if you don't want a girl to misunderstand her actions, don't go chasing around looking for her. Don't say she's fucking special. Don't poke your nose into her business like you're her fucking big brother when all you are, is just someone she used to know."

He looks away and murmurs a soft apology, which pisses her off even more. "I thought that we were—"

"Friends?"

He nods, unsure.

"Sorry, I already have a friend, Eric, in case you forgot; and I don't need an overbearing big brother either.."

He stuffed his hands into his jeans. "Sorry…"

"Oh that's a real gem," she remarks, dripping with sarcasm. "If you're sorry then show it. Leave me the fuck alone. Isn't there anyone else whose life you can wreck?"

His head spins back around. "You think I meant to hurt you?" The pained expression clearly shows in his baby blue eyes. He was hurt, Jenny realizes; but then again, so is she. "What happened to us—between us before, with the fashion show and with Vanessa—I didn't mean—" he stops, finding it hard to find the right words. "I—"

"Yes you did. You knew, from the beginning that I never had a chance. Not me, not Blair, not Vanessa, not anyone you ever claimed to love. Because you only love her. You wanted only her. She's the Daisy to your Great Gasby and you don't stop to give a damn about anyone else."

His lips part like he has something to say, something to refute against her accusation but the words swiftly die before they could see daylight. When it seems like an eternity, he quietly speaks while choosing his words carefully. "Look Jenny, I'm sorry," Nate finally murmurs, taking a hold of her arm once again. Only this time, she didn't fight back as she did minutes ago. "I know that I fucked up in the past and I'm trying hard to understand—"

"No, you don't understand," she whispers, afraid of her own failing voice. Her hands shake, trembling from the bareness she feels standing in front of him, trying to pour her heart out to him, trying to make him understand all the knots that were tied in her heart. "You'll never understand, Nate because you've never been in my shoes, or Blair or Vanessa."

For the first time in Nate's life, he turns speechless to her sullen face, down casted eyes and the resignation that hinders behind her tone. "You can never imagine what I go through with you, all the emotional roller coaster rides that you put me through because you can't make up your own mind about what you want to do with me. You leave me hanging then drag me along whenever you feel like it, all because you think it's your right." _Oh god. The tears are coming. _

"I—"

"I'll ask you again, Nate, what are you doing here?"

"I—"

"And please, don't be afraid to break my heart. After all, what are a few more broken pieces upon pieces?"

"I don't know…" He looks down, ashamed. "My feet just drag me here."

She scoffs, half wanted to laugh and half wanted to cry because she was right. He really has no idea what he's doing to her. "Stop looking at the ground and look at me," she says after noticing him still staring down as if he was being scold. She begins massaging her temple tiredly. "Look, why don't we stop it here and just go with the fact that I'm not who you think I am," she pauses and locks gaze with him. "You remember those words, don't you? So congrats, Nate. You're right. I'm a horrible person." Before he could say anything, she speaks again, this time a bit softer. "So by this time tomorrow, this horrible will leave you the fuck alone and you'll never have to worry about your relationship with Serena anymore."

"That's not why I'm here."

"I could care less about why you're here," she retorts, "All I care about is that after tonight, we don't ever have to worry about running into each other ever again."

"Jenny—"

"No, Nate," she firmly says. "You know as well as I do that we can't go back to being buddy-buddy. I can't be around you ever again, not until I forget what it's like to be in love with you."

He bites his lips and takes his time before conceding to her request.

She manages to flash a forced smile before turning her back to him and separately, they both walk down the noisy, brightly lit street in opposite direction.

Her vision slowly blurs for this so-called first love. She figures, it deserves at least one drop of tear to crush the hope that Nate Archibald was going to be her knight in shining armor. At least, now she's finally able to breathe easily toward the direction she meant to take.

. . .

A/N: I really wanted to write an angst one shot, describing Jenny's anger and such but then it turned out like this, which is I guess is a little bit better. At least she got closure. Hopefully the season finale will give closure to the NJ's story. I no longer have hope that they'll end up together anymore. She can do better and definitely deserves better.

3

dh


End file.
